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Generally I get these type of stories and messages, before a major holiday or before her birthday. Days when I guess she hope that she can guilt me into calling. Then she starts telling me that I am in a long line of people who don't love her... What better revenge can there be after a break-up than looking better when you see them and thinking, Petty, whatever. Yeah I'll be healthier, I'll lose the grief weight I gained since my dad's death, but most importantly, I'll have my revenge (insert evil laughter here). I'm on my way to the crib anxiously awaiting your response.

I guess there is something that you should know here: My mom is the poster child for self-pity. And if all else fails to draw you to her side of a story, she piles on the guilt. She was raped by the people who my grandmother had left her to be with... My dad had been filling my head with bad stories about her.... Call it if you must, but ain't nothing better than seeing someone you used to date pick up their face off the ground when they see how good you look post break-up. I've got a meeting tomorrow morning at church that I'm certainly not looking forward to.

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We drink away the pain behind smiling faces and we date men who are wrong for us. And even when we are The Prettiest Ones we wish to be prettier, funnier, cooler, smarter, just anything more than we are now.

We forget to take our pills and pray that we won't be pregnant by Not The One as we stand in our bathrooms holding pee stained sticks. Because like other women we think something must be missing, or our lives would be perfect.

Just how much is a person supposed to take in at 4AM? How can the only thing that you tell me about the period when you left be that, 'It wasn't two years'? Yes, him knowing that the woman who's spirit he broke, that the woman who developed an eating disorder after we broke up, (Though since, I've learned to never let a man make me doubt my "cute appeal" - lol) was looking good; and that felt good as hell.

Can't I just life my life and let her life be her life? What he could never explain to me, was why she left. (I wanna tell her, I fucking hate her at this point - but I leave that part out). The girl who people used to say "smiled too much", stopped smiling. But I tell ya, even though I weighed less than I did in high school and was much healthier, the best part was when I saw his brother after we broke up and his brother relayed the fact that I was looking good.

The one thing my dad didn't do when my mom left, was say bad things about her. I remember when I broke up with (If you didn't look good, he didn't look good. Yeah Yeah Yeah From: Some Chick Date: 1/23/06Yes Daddy I know. Love Bastard Date: 1/24/06I know this was yesterday's but class is cool. I'm sorry about last night but shaving took a lil longer than I expected. From: Some Chick Date: 1/24/06I think so, it would be alot of fun. You haven't even touched me yet and im in the bushes on a niggerette. Love Bastard Date: 1/25/06I be waching you from outside your crib.

Are you telling me that you had been in the garage for two years? I want to have a relationship with her; but I want it to be based on truth."What happened? I've put the treadmill that I bought for my birthday into heavy use. I'm gonna be better, stronger, faster and most importantly hotter. You always talkin bout stalking, got me playing the stalker. Love Bastard And just how do you think you're stalking me? Love Bastard Date: 1/25/06Although you dont answer I continue to call and leave messages.

Because other people's problems are easier to deal with than our own. Because here are the facts: I know as a friend you would have told me to stop f*ck_ng with that person. From: Some Chick Date: 1/18/06Unless you've been playing mind games with a college girl, yes.

But I guess you couldn't see that, since you were that person.... You all don't know what if feels like to have no family to talk to....

The day I came home and saw my brother outside distraught that "ma left." How could she do that? ""It wasn't two years.""TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED! ""I went into the garage and tried to commit suicide.""But you didn't. I went along like nothing ever happened, like every one else in the family. I can't go on pretending that nothing ever happened. I guess I can't go on pretending that my family doesn't exist. Ok, I've stopped crying, I've removed the pizza place from speed dial and I've put down the Ben and Jerry's ice cream - it's time to rebuild.

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